Even my consciousness seemed to make fun of me as I sat in the dimmed cinema hall where I was the only person, the only audience while the screen was playing a movie I never wanted to watch under these circumstances.
A very heart breaking but at the same time ridiculously over-romanticised story of a girl who was meeting the love of her life, spending wonderful memories in a world too good to be true only to release towards the end that it was only a dream and nothing more.
I blankly stared at the screen as the movie suddenly stopped at a point where the character’s realization of a shattering dream started to unfold.
What a joke, I bet it will be a happy end where she finds the guy and they live happily ever after.
A wish that should be never made, a dream that should have never existed in the first place.
Because if you would not dream there would be no sadness or loneliness ever after.
Suddenly I heard clapping noises, as if someone was highly fond of that movie that seemed not to end soon.
A broken story that won’t finish literally.
In the supposedly empty cinema hall my head slowly turned to the direction where the clapping noises came from.
Some seats right from me, I was sure it was all empty and it was, there was no doubt.
It should have been empty.
But there he stood in his full glory wearing his school uniform clapping and as he noticed my gaze he smiled widely.
“I got a little bit excited there you know, it was my favourite part of the movie”, he stretched out his hands as he talked and looked over to the screen.
There were no words coming out from my mouth nor did I dare to even open it up in the first place, all I could do is listen.
Maybe going through this over and over again, that even now this all seemed like a conspiracy, all I really could do was listen.
“Should I explain, you kind of seem confused, but I can’t blame you the best part was about to come”, he had heaved his index-finger as if he was telling me a story that would really matter.
Knowing him well though, I knew Oikawa would never just tell a weird or unnecessary story out of a sudden or add a comment that was not needed.
Still I held back my tears the memory of him being patched up in a box and drifting away in front of my very eyes was still too realistic and painful, knowing it will just happen again.
It seemed like while all of that went through my mind I had looked away until he was right in front of me poking his index-finger on my forehead.
He had closed his eyes and smiled, “you know it’s a bit rude to not look at the person who is talking to you, isn’t it?”
For a moment my breath stopped, I knew he meant it in a nice way but again it was Oikawa who was in front of me.
Slowly I forced a smile on my face and nodded, not saying anything but listening to him.
“Where was I? Ah, right the best part where the girl suddenly realizes it was all just a dream, the sadness and dramatic moment of realization all etched into a very frame. The mere wish of wanting to see her lover and yet even that was in vain since it’s all a dream. So, she wakes up and you know what she wishes for when she wakes up in a world without her beloved lover?”, he turned to the screen again hands on his hips as he looked like the light was engulfing him and making him look even taller than he was.
While until now he had spoken in a soft and gentle manner his voice changed as he said his next words, “that mere wish of love turned into a wish to not exist in the first place, death to be specific here.”
It felt like he was scolding me somehow.
As if he wanted to scold me for something that might happen at some point.
His cold and distant voice sent chills down my spine as he turned his head a bit to give me a side glance over his shoulder, “but— “
I almost flinched as he turned around spreading his arms widely again, a smile plastered his face and enthusiasm filled the coldness in his voice.
“The guy probably wishes for the exact opposite. He would love for the girl to live and be happy!”
The frown on my face was no longer able to stay concealed.
“Where do you know that?”, was the only thing I could bring out in an irritated and at the same frustrated tone.
“Where do I know? Hm, I would say it’s my guts telling me that”, the smile he wore was still there, but his eyes seemed a bit scary, almost as if he was peeking into my soul.
“Guts? This is not about what you think is happening. Do you even know how the poor girl must feel”, he looked surprised and crossed his arms as he came a bit closer.
“Sure, it must be really painful, over and over and over again. Losing the one you love, having him almost in your grasp”, he stretched out his hand almost as if he spread his palm towards my face to just to retract it, “only to lose him right after. A short-lived wish that died off right in that moment. Some might call it an accumulation of senses and the will to move freely in one*s dreams, I think something close to lucid dreaming?”
He closed his eyes and lowered his head while grinning, “but then again what is reality, who is the real one?”, he looked at the screen again and before my vision came back from blinking I saw him inside of the big screen of the movie who seemed like it ripped off a while ago.
To get my full attention he knocked against the screen from the inside, or was her in the movie, I could not really distinguish anymore.
“Afterall this is not much different, isn’t it? I hope you won’t forget when we meet next time.”