Goodbye my dream part 15

It has been a while since I had any dreams at all, and now that I finally was able to  remember there was nothing at all beside a black silhouette which seemed to stare up at something.

Everything was white and I was even afraid to step forward since there was basically nothing to step on, no contours, no contrast, only white and the silhouette several steps in front of me.

When I decided to finally step forward it felt like despite the looks the ground that didn’t differ from anything else in this nothingless made my step echo back loudly, almost like water dripping echoes in a room sometimes, just like that my steps were the only sound amplified here.

The question is: what is here?

As I stepped closer the silhouette stopped buckling over as if in pain and turned its head towards me the features made me stop immediately before I could touch the shoulder of a girl that looked like-

“Ah”, was the only sound that escaped her mouth before she turned completely and giggled, “that’s a rare sight isn’t it? Even weirder since people usually don’t see themselves in dreams!” 

An eerily identical version of myself stood in front of me only that her clothes had reversed colors than mine, she cracked a wide smile while her eyes looked unsettling. 

“You know I’m you despite that you think it’s weird… I mean you only get to see yourself in the mirror from time to time”, she turned around and made a victorious pose, “but seeing a live-version of the moving real deal is unbelievable.” 

Is that how I sound? 

Is my voice like that?

“Do I really move that way? 

 Do I look like that?”, she continued my thoughts in synchronization to what I was about to think next.

I stepped back immediately. 

“oh”, she titled her head and her eyes wandered up gazing at the non-existing sky, “I guess you didn’t expect this… Let me see, ah yes I got an idea.”

Happily she clapped her hands and held them together pointing at me. 

“I am sure you are much more happy”, her body became a gray mass almost like water that bubbled and turned into a much taller figure. 

The figure started to form wearing a black school uniform and now the face of a gray-haired man with a mole under his eye greeted me, “to see this one right? I must have been very insensitive to not get that, begone scared face and get that smile here.”

Despite that I surely knew that this Sugawara right here and now looked exactly like him and sounded like him I still couldn’t fully believe it. 

Something is wrong, very wrong here. 

This doesn’t happen usually… 

And I clearly saw it wasn’t Sugawara before. 

It’s not the same. 

“hm? Still not satisfied? I am sure that everything should be under perfect condition right now. If you keep that scared face I think we might lose time sooner or later”, his face seemed very hurt as he tried to force a smile on his face, “and we really don’t want it to happen again after having the chance to meet like this.” 

It’s not Sugawara, it’s not Sugawara. 

A sigh escaped his mouth before the same procedure as before happened now shifting into an even taller figure revealing a blonde boy with glasses. 

He held his head and shook it, giving me a disgusted look. 

“Are you really that stupid? Why are you making it so complicated?”, was the first thing Tsukishima said as he crossed his arms. 

“Everything is perfect, why are you fussing about it?”, he pointed at me and I shook my head. 

“Because I basically saw that you are not Tsukishima nor Sugawara”, I muttered before he shifted into another person I recognized as Kageyama. 

“Moron, this isn’t about that at all. If you cannot keep dreams together then you are of no use to me. I would much rather dream all of it by myself if it means for it to be a successful dream”, he crossed his arms and towered over me as he shot me the darkest glare I ever saw on his face. 

I saw Kageyama twice up until now and not once did he say something like this to me… 

Out of my vision I saw that it was now Hinata standing in front of me giving me a look that sent chills down my spine, “Why are you so surprised? Kageyama, Tsukki and everyone else are all like that. It’s nothing new, maybe you are the one who was wrong all the time?”, and back to Yachi who played with her hands and didn’t even dare to meet my eyes as she looked up from time to time.

“I mean… even though you had Akaashi, Ushijima, Oikawa and Kuroo explain to you so much, it’s really sad”, she shrieked before turning back to the initial figure that was supposed to be me.

“So who should it be next? Who do you want to choose next? Someone with a big heart and softcore?”, the bubbly silhouette turned into a huge man with a man-bun and beard, “Ah no nevermind you never asked for him in the first place, you think he is not useful right now, don’t you?”, Asahi rubbed his neck with a sad and anxious expression like his heart was about to break.

“That’s not true, I didn’t choose who I would-”

“You didn’t?”, the bubbling intensified and a cat with cream-coloured fur mixed with black and brown spots stared up at me, “well that was a flat-up lie, kind-of.”

While the bubbling substance grew bigger and bigger, it took much longer to manifest before splitting into many balls of the same substance each becoming one’s own figure.

“Isn’t that more exciting?”, the first figure to step closer was someone I recognized as Terushima as he faced his palms towards me.

“…”, another one with no eyebrows towered over me making me feel small and intimidated.

What is this?

Why are there so many people?

This never happened before!

“Okay guys”, someone clapped into his hands before stepping closer and the soothing voice of Oikawa splitted the figures that made me feel suffocated.

“I think if this goes on, this dream is soon to end. This is just the beginning”, a little grin crawled up his face before Iwaizumi stepped next to him.

“Are we not welcome anymore? Calling us in as you please and then making us vanish when you feel like it?”, he shot me a disappointed glare before Oikawa held him back.

“I think there is a little misunderstanding…”, he mumbled, holding his chuckle.

“Come on, isn’t this much more interesting than your other lame dreams?”, the sudden breath that was next to my ear made me almost drop to my knees as I didn’t feel safe at all anymore.

Atsumu… not Atsumu.

Oikawa clapped his hands and everyone melted beside Atsumu and Iwaizumi.

Iwaizumi clicked his tongue and shifted into Daichi.

“Well, I didn’t expect after so much progress that you would get it”, Daichi had a sad lonely smile on his face as he came closer and put an arm on my shoulder.

I didn’t know why but the guilt I felt for whatever reason was crushing me right now, it was as if someone was pushing me further into the ground.

The world that seemed to be only waiting slowly started to have black spots which grew bigger and bigger until there was no white left.

“Actually this is much more comfortable than white”, Atsumu smiled as he looked around and pointed at Oikawa.

“What is it?”, he asked him while heaving an eyebrow and Atsumu shrugged with a grin.

Why is this getting out of control?!

“All of you…”, I muttered while I wasn’t in my right mind and I felt there gazes focussed on me, “just disappear!”

I held my head, I couldn’t and didn’t want to hear anything anymore.

The first one to go was Oikawa.

Breathe, just breathe don’t listen.

Remember what Kenma, Kuroo, Akaashi and Ushijima told you.

Even Oikawa isn’t supposed to do that here.

Which means this is all wrong in the first place…

“You are almost there”, I heard Daichi whispering before he melted in front of my eyes turning into a puddle like the others.

“Ah, ah this is so boring”, Atsumu turned away and the same happened to him.

All that was left were puddles and the immense feeling of loneliness that slowly ate me up inside.

“This wasn’t supposed to happen, I was having so many dreams lately. I was getting better and better. Why did this happen? Why do they hate me?!”, tears started to drip down on the ground in front of me mixing with the puddle that used to be Daichi moments ago.

“All I wanted was an answer to my questions and meeting them”, my voice choked out before the puddles moved away and I felt someone ruffling through my hair.

I moved my hands away from my eyes to see a man with messy hair and his glasses were not rightly placed but a bit tilted as he smiled at me.

He had a green tracksuit on and as he ruffled through my hair softly, he gave me a handkerchief that I recognized as my own and started to wipe away my tears.

“You know, dreams are much more complicated to have only one answer to your question. As you may ask yourself why this is happening or why they would hate you, you should check the state of your mind”, he looked to the side where Kageyama and Hinata stood next to each other with Yachi in-between as they waved at me.

Huh… but-

“In your first dreams those are the people you wanted to see so dearly. As you became used to dreaming the thin line between dream and reality started to become blurry”, he adjusted his glasses and Atsumu appeared behind him as he tilted his body to the side and gave me a frown.

“All he did was to tell you, to make use of that thin line between reality and dream. Don’t forget your own reality so easily”, Akaashi appeared next to him fumbling with his hand while Bokuto slapped his back with a loud noise.

“And not everyone shares the same mind, subconscious and their own reality. In your dreams it might happen that things are eerily accurate but at the same time”, everyone beside Takeda melted again and merged into Tsukishima, “they can be far away from what you expect them to be in reality.”

Tsukishima nodded, Sugawara and Asahi gave him a little smile before nodding to me as well.

My own reality?

Is that why Akaashi told me it has nothing to do with being wise?

Or smart?

Is that why he mentioned Bokuto?

“I am sure deep down inside”, he pointed at his head, “you knew when this dream started that something was off. I think after experiencing so many vivid dreams and being parted by the people you cherish and like”, Oikawa, Iwaizumi, Kenma and Kuroo scratched their heads as if they felt guilty.

“It must have been hard to want to have many special memories and take a break from reality only to for your dreams to be just as much as a burden when you wake up again”, he smiled softly and patted my shoulder.

“But I am sure it won’t take long anymore for you to be in full control. Because the one who climbs the ladder” and suddenly a white door opened revealing a golden ladder, “needs to start at the bottom.

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-Takeda Issei-

@suncelia on deviantart

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