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Introducing a new part of the MBTI relationship compatibility series!
Today, we will be discussing two beautiful pairings residing in the area of romance anime.
For those of you who are new here, in this series we look at all kinds of relationships and try to find out how the counterparts correlate with the MBTI personalities!
We basically want to look at the examples first hand instead of only discussing the types and their traits, taking out our metaphorical magnifying glass and see how these specific types act and react in a relationship!
As we are talking about romantic compatibility, the setting of romance anime is only fitting! Our focus will lie on how romantic relationships develop in our two examples, and how they are sustained. There is of course a difference on how romance will be shown according to the anime genre, and because we’re looking at the dazzling romance category it will be easier to point out and establish what truly encompasses a loving relationship.
But first, before we start:
For those of you who aren’t familiar, let me quote myself!
“[…]It’s basically a personality test that divides every person into a set of letters that combine a certain type of personality. There are 16 types in total, and they’re divided in four categories: the analysts, the diplomats, the sentinels and lastly the explorers.”
For everyone who doesn’t know the specific personalities that will be discussed, let’s look at the singular personalities first before delving into the relationships!
The types that will be discussed here are ISFJ, INFP, ISTP, and ESFJ!
Defenders tend to have a flexible balance in their traits when compared to other personalities in their category.
Albeit that, Defenders are very warm and supportive people. They tend to go out on a limb to help others and forget themselves easily in such situations. They sit at the sidelines and observe thoroughly and have a more imaginative mindset than others.
While they also tend to have fixed methods which correspond to them being a Sentinel, ISFJs are also open to other peoples approaches if they fit them.
Thanks to their altruistic nature they tend to glorify small and mundane tasks that keep everyone else going but themselves. Defenders see everything that is helpful to others as a blessing and have no problem taking themselves out of the equation.
Staying humble and shy, even when they get credit for their work they tend to brush it off and try to focus on other people’s victories.
ISFJs repress their feelings and are very sensitive when it comes to their own emotions. They gravitate to being more private than outspoken which can lead to other people forgetting their presence or taking what they’ve worked hard for for granted. This can lead to strains in their relationship with others, as they are sometimes adamant to keeping to themselves and bottling everything up until they burst.
Consuls know how they can deeply connect to other people.
They are often popular and well-liked in their community and become great leaders wherever they go. ESFJs are the people that will get a group project going and have a strong sense of duty. They will always offer help when needed and love to serve others and give very solid advice.
As great organizers they have no problem planning social gatherings and are a joy to have at every place in life. Consuls strive to help others and won’t back down when help is needed. They might even let their own responsibilities go for a moment, so long they can help a person in need.
Harmony and peace is very important to ESFJs, as they like to keep a balance in everything in their life, their dedication to doing good is part of that and their loyalty is very apparent.
As they have a huge influence on their team, they are often worried about how they are perceived and don’t like to be seen in a bad light. Therefore they stay with old methods they know and are scared to take on new risks.
Consuls definitely avoid confrontation, and get very sensitive when criticised harshly, especially from people they care about. When in a situation where they are put in a wrong light, if the confrontation would be big they stay low for a while and take it rather than pushing back harshly.
At first glance Mediators might seem very shy, but there’s a passion lying inside them that comes to the forefront when they feel comfortable. Their unpractical and fantastical thinking might make them look childish and they get misunderstood easily as frail and weak. Quite on the contrary Mediators have set ideals and principles they like to pursue and they give their all to live their life the way they imagine it to be best.
INFPs think out of the box and may have unconventional methods to solve their problems. They can be impractical in their daily lives, sabotaging themselves due to self criticism and fear. Conflict is something Mediators like to avoid, they dodge uncomfortable situations or bury their complaints to a point where their emotions can overtake them.
INFPs tend to be very emotional when in stressful situations and work in small circles they consider their safespace. They value trust and loyalty and hope to inspire others and themselves for the better.
If a Mediator is left to their own devices, they can quickly fall into a spiral of negativity. Believing that their past will forever follow them, they stay quiet and loathe in that part of their lives. Never quite letting go of what can’t be changed is a reason why INFPs often look melancholic.
Virtuosos love to get their hands dirty. They are practical and innovative and they use all methods known to them to navigate through their field of passion.
With ISTPs you get a more relaxed version of the Explorer type. They are more rational and combine their spontaneous behaviour with a bit more logic than other Explorers.
As long as their freedom is still in their hands, they don’t mind other people in their own special area and strive for innovation.
While enjoying a bit of risk in their lives, Virtuosos are well suited for crisis situations.
They stay calm and collected and know how to conserve their energy well.
While all of these are admirable traits, everyone still has their faults as well.
Virtuosos are very stubborn and are adamants on doing things their own way.
Somebody else butting into their affairs can easily make them insensitive and blunt, especially since the introvert in them makes it harder to break their shell.
It’s not hard to befriend ISTP’s at all, they’re mostly open to new acquaintances but they keep everyone at a safe distance. Banter and surface friendships are easily acquired,but actually breaking through their bubble is not so easily done.
Especially when they have been wronged in the past or stood underappreciated, their bubble will grow bigger and thicker to protect themselves.
Now that we have a clear picture and a refresher on the types we will be discussing together, let’s dive into the actual relationships!
In Horimiya, we find our core couple to be a quite unusual yet very interesting mix.
Hori, a very hardworking and popular girl at school, spends most of her time working on one thing or another. She shows a very different part of herself at school, playing her role as the typical popular schoolgirl. She has very good grades and most of the guys at school swoon over her, while she brushes them off with ease.
When at home, she works just as hard and keeps busy. Taking care of her younger brother and the house she has a full schedule until she studies and goes to sleep. Her ESFJ traits are shown when she tries to keep the peace between her friends and avoids confrontation. She would rather take on more exercises to finish a project than push an unnecessary discussion with someone.
“No, it’s fine”
Is constantly on her lips, as she tries to get home as quickly as possible to support her family.
Miyamura couldn’t be more different than her.
At first glance he looks like a weird guy to the other students. Most of them don’t know much about him and would rather keep their distance. At school he stays quiet but isn’t completely socially inept, in fact he is sure to strike up a quick and nice conversation if the time calls for it.
When we see Miyamura’s backstory, the reason for his reclusiveness shows a huge part of why he is an INFP. The fact that his past still ghosts around in his mind but also clouds his decision making in the present shows how his mindset can negatively affect not only his friendships but also how he thinks of his relationship to Hori.
Now the most interesting part in Horimiya comes in when these two characters are built together to form a sudden relationship in which they see parts of each other no one else has seen so far.
Hori is suddenly a woman with a high temper that loves horror movies, and Miyamura is a lot more outgoing than one might’ve thought. He even has tattoos and piercings he has to hide.
What is their first common ground then?
Keeping their facades a secret, but then slowly getting accustomed to seeing each other every day due to circumstances that just arrived with no warning, they get closer to each other bit by bit.
As an INFP, Miyamura might put less focus on himself but is ready to play out the confrontations for Hori when she would rather flee from them. With an intolerance to injustice, Miyamura protects her and tells her the sweet nothings that she doesn’t hear from anyone else. His attachment grows as she shows more vulnerability towards him, and as the altruistic and emotional personality that he is, he holds her even closer to him and starts to take more initiative.
With Hori’s ESFJ personality, her extroversion leads her to get very protective over him as well, and her attachment may grow a little slower than his, but she later does not shy away from showing her jealousy. Her extroversion is also a huge part of her personality, because she talks to Miyamura first and deems him as ‘not gloomy at all’.
Their relationship then blooms into a very unique one pretty quickly.
Miyamura’s impulsive nature, also part of being an INFP, makes him jump to conclusions quickly and sabotage his own chances, to which Hori replies with brutal honesty which is greatly appreciated by him.
Hori swallows down her own issues and insecurities until they topple out of her mouth with urgency, another trait of being a support role and an ESFJ and not wanting others to be concerned. But Miyamura always answers to her musings with clear intentions and calms her mind with a sweet and honest smile.
Both characters seem to be so horribly different, but it’s the fact that they both accept each other’s facades and true selves is what keeps them together.
We now find ourselves looking at a relationship that might not be confirmed completely to be romantic, but definitely friendship with romantic implications.
We start the movie Koe no Katachi, or a Silent Voice, with Shouya who sets his own life to a halt.
After his attempt on giving up on life, we slowly get a closer look at his story.
Who would’ve thought that the biggest bully would turn into a victim of bullying himself?
After terrorizing Shouko and other students in his elementary school life, Shouya thinks he is invincible and lives everyday with a smile on his face. When Shouko comes into his class he is irritated by her behaviour which disrupts his own personal space.
As an ISTP, he then became fixated on bullying her everyday and hating the way she still tried to be nice to him. He didn’t know at that time but Shouko merely wanted to be friends with him.
Shouko is deaf, which is a huge reason for causing a commotion in the new environment. She tries her best to be nice to everyone and doesn’t respond harshly to any mean comments made by Shouya and his friends. This is a huge indicator of her ISFJ personality.
Not liking any sort of confrontation especially as an introvert makes her take in all of the insults and mean action so long as she can be friends with everyone.
This leads to her developing a tendency to let others step on her and makes the impression that she is either too stupid to understand the taunts or ignores them out of desperation.
Life suddenly flips in this move again.
Shouya realises that every victim in the hot seat can be replaced, and when Shouko transfers schools everything is forgotten and turned upside down as he sees his own school utensils thrown into the water.
He stops looking people into the eye, another defense mechanism of the rational ISTP, because he would rather shield himself from any kind of relationship now to save himself.
That is until he meets Shouko again.
Shouko is now a little more lively, immediately befriending Shouya again and forgiving his past mistakes which he hasn’t yet processed himself while he is happy to have an opportunity to redeem himself. As they both feel like they could’ve done things differently in the past.
That is the moment where both of their personality types intertwine into each other very casually. They are both introverts which makes their conversations very easy to handle, and their S (Observing) trait lets them both understand each other’s mannerisms very quickly.
For the start of their friendship everything seems to go smoothly, but that is only a facade.
Because as an ISTP Shouya plays his emotions down and would rather focus on other things than how he feels, and Shouko with the traits of an ISFJ is persistent on repressing the wrongdoings of others and stifles her own needs to support the people around her.
This leads to both of them not showing their true colours and feelings until their relationship gets more and more cluttered through bit down comments and feelings that have been pushed under the rug.
Shouya distances himself from his newly made friends out of old habit to protect himself while hurting others purposefully, and Shouko keeps quiet and even tries to leave quietly one day if Shouya wouldn’t have saved her.
Showing us that keeping quiet and not communicating your problems can lead to even more problems, and a relationship will be bound on two individuals that can’t and won’t accept help.
After the horrible accident and Shouya being injured, they both come to an understanding that they should try again by getting to know each other better, and the movie ends with two people who have gone through so much with the other person but just now try to actually start over and learn from each other.
These two pairings show us that relationships bloom from something you share with the other person. It doesn’t have to be the same hobby or preference, but it can also be an experience or a moment of truth.
And all kinds of relationships don’t come from nothing.
They are hard work that has to come from both sides which sometimes might be challenging, but there is nothing more comforting than having someone by your side through all of the hardships in life.
Loving isn’t something that just falls into your lap, it is something you choose to do.
How did you find this part of the MBTI compatibility series? Any other romantic relationships out there that is just as inspiring? Please leave it in the comments so we can discuss!
Also, if you have any suggestion on what kind of compatibility we can look at next, or which characters you want to see, make sure to leave that down below as well!
Well, then let me get my pink cherry tea~
Until we see each other on the next tea time, take care!